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Sep. 10th, 2010

I am in a blah mood. Seriously. I have no idea really why I am in this mood. Maybe it is PMS or something, who knows. All I know is what I feel.

I wish sometimes that I were better at blogging. I read other people's blogs, and they are so insightful and well read, but I don't feel like I will ever be up to their standards. I want to be like them. I want people to read my blogs, then pass on the links to others and say how great it is, and I am scared that I won't measure up. Then I wonder why I even care. Why do I let my fear control me?

Aug. 29th, 2010

This weekend has been a total couch-potato weekend. I haven't done anything all weekend. Ok, that isn't totally true. I did do the dishes, some laundry and a little bit of sewing. Getting ready for work this week. I am sooooo happy that I get paid on Tues. I am thinking about getting a netbook. Not sure if I will or not.

Friends

Is it weird that you can find some of your best friends online? I think so. I have met some pretty awesome people on twitter. Who knew?

My new endeavor

Disclaimer: This will hit on some tough subjects that may not sit well with the readers. It isn't meant to. This is, for the most part, a true story. Read at your own risk.


I was a happy child, I think. I believed in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Monsters were only things of nightmares. They only exsisted in movies and books. in the dark, and under your bed. Monsters were always defeated by good or by the light of day. You would always be saved at the very last minute, and live happily ever after. I was five years old when I realized that monsters were not only real, but they wore the face of people you trusted, people who were supposed to protect and love you. They had those friendly faces, and they used those faces to hide in the real world. The monsters didn't care if your face was tear stained, begging for freedom, that you had screamed yourself hoarse from the fear and pain. They didn't care about pain, tears, or scared little girls who only wanted to be loved. There was no knightly prince coming on his white stallion to save the day, only more monsters.

Who knew??

Who knew that watching Xena could help you when you were watching Jeopardy? The category was original language, or something like that. They qave you a quote, and you had to say what the original language was. Well one of the questions, (or is it answers) was "An unexamined life is not worth living." Well, because I watched Xena, and I remember Gabrielle telling Xena that Socrates said that, so I knew it was Greek. Yay me!!

X-rated!! Be for-warned

Boy life sure can be funny. Some days it just hits you and throws your world upside down. The last few days have been like that. A and I have a very interesting friendship. We are always picking on each other. She will say something and I will be a smart ass to her and she will usually say “God you are such a bitch” and my reply is usually “Yeah, but you still love me.” I am ticklish. From being tickled so much by children, I have learned how to ignore most of my tickle spots when I really want to and concentrate on it. A found the one spot where I can’t do that. She eats it up too. She is always sitting on me and tickling me until I am begging for mercy. She also bites me on my ass. Of course this is usually after I tell her to bite me. In retaliation of her tickles, or sometimes just because I am feeling froggy, I will pour water on her. I know that she absolutely hates to be wet. I am talking she will just go crazy until she can change her clothes, so I make it a point to pour some water on her at some point. Then I fight her so she can’t change right away. We also have these ice wars. She is pretty good about sneaking a piece of ice in her hand. Then she likes to come up and put it down my pants. GRRR!! We usually get into wrestling matches with that. She is a lot stronger than I am, so she usually wins. We both end up wet, cold, and out of breath by the time we are done. Then she rushes to change clothes. It is always worth it in the end though.

 

She calls me all of the time. Probably four or five times a day. We talk about everything and anything. Usually she wants to kill her kids, usually her daughter, or her husband. Guess she just likes having an adult to talk to. We will talk around an hour at a time. I remember when L and I used to do that.  Now L and I barely talk these days. When A calls me, she usually asks me what I am doing and I sometimes reply with “sitting here, thinking about you.” She replies “Oh really? What about me?” We end up doing a little dirty talk. Nothing to it really, just goofing off. We also ask each other what they are wearing. She will tell me that she is going to take a bath and if I hurry over, I can join her, or that she is on her way to my place and she is going to get naked on the way and crawl into bed with me. I usually just reply “Oh baby.” And leave it at that. It is all innocent (ok, not quite so innocent) fun between friends.

 

Thursday, we go over to M’s house to watch some dvd’s that we rented. It was the second disk of The L Word. M has really gotten into it. I think that A did too. Well, I picked up A and drove us both over to M’s house. We stay over there until 1:30 in the morning. Then A and I decide we are hungry and head off to Taco Bell then I am going to take her home. After we got our food we head off to A’s house. She asks me if I am staying the night or going home. I figure that I will be going home, but agree to stay and eat with her. On the way home, she puts ice down my pants. Great! It was freaking cold. We hit her dirt road and she rubs her hand on my thigh then moves her hand up to my crotch. I try to pull away, but she stops me and tells me to relax. She rubs a little bit. She leans over and starts kissing on my neck nibbles on ear and my neck. She asks me if M has does that to me. I replied that no she didn’t. She continues biting my neck then leans in and whispers “are you wet?” I can’t speak, so I just nod. She says “oh really?” then slides her hand into my pants and starts playing with me. She tells me to look over at her. When I do, she kisses me. Full on kiss. OH MY GOD! I was in total shock. I couldn’t believe that it was happening to me, but damn, it felt so good. It has been too long since I actually felt someone else’s hands on my body. She then whispers in my ear that this stays between the two of us, and that we won’t say anything to anyone at all. Not even M, who works with A’s husband. Of course I agree. Who the hell am I going to tell? Now, remember, I am trying to drive here. Luckily we are on a long dirt road with few houses, because we end up stopped on the road, at two in the morning making out.

 

She stops after a while and we head home. No, I didn’t actually get off, but I was breathing hard there. When we get to her house, her husband is in bed. She goes back there and talks to him. She ends up in the recliner with her three year old rocking him to sleep and I end up on the couch asleep. I end up spending the night, though I didn’t intend to. Her husband, J mentions that I seem awfully quiet. I just look at A who raises her eyebrows. I just shrug my shoulders and go about my business. Now, fast forward to Saturday.

 

I spend the night at A’s house Friday night so that she and I can get up early and go do yard sales. She goes out every Saturday morning. Friday night, I show up at their house and they are both in bed. They are watching a movie, The Messengers, but J tells me to crawl into bed. Halfway through that movie, it has gotten a little creepy so I tell J and A that they have a new bed partner for that night. Oh, did I mention that A is only wearing her underwear? Actually, she was wearing J’s boxer briefs. That is all. Now, she wasn’t flashing me or anything. She did well with keeping the covers over herself. She did ask J if she needed to get dressed, and he said “why? Heather has seen it before.” So, here I am, in bed with a married couple, one who practically nude. It was just weird. I did end up rubbing her back though, she said it itched. A’s back is beautiful. God, it just begs to be touched. Like I said, we got up early and did yard sales. She re-voices her concerns that J is to never know about what happened. I agree. She then says “because I would hate to have to kill you.” That makes me laugh. We have a lot of fun and I get some good deals on some pants which I need since I am down to a size nine now. We head back to A’s house. J goes to work, and I go take a bath in A’s bathroom because frankly, the kids bathroom is just plain scary. She comes in to pee while I am in the bath. She leaves but comes right back with something behind her back. She says she brought me something. I tell her “Uh-oh I’m scared” she replies “Oh, you should be.” She leans down and rubs her hand down my back. She has a freaking ice cube in her hand. SHEESH!! She laughs and walks away. She comes back in later and sits on the toilet and talks to me. I finish up in the bath and get out and dry off. Get ready for work, and then I go sit with her on the couch. I am a little cold so I pull a blanket over me. She leans over and lays her head on my shoulder. I start playing with her hair. The next thing I know, she is unbuttoning my pants and sliding her hands in. She starts to play with me again. Now we are in the living room. Kids are running back and forth. She whispers in my ear “are you horny?” I nod as speech has left me mute. She just reaches further and feels just how wet I am and moans herself. That almost undoes me. She asks me if I want to go to her bed and I say yeah in a voice that doesn’t really sound like me. She starts to get up and looks at me and says “this stays just between us, remember?” Like I need to be reminded. I follow her to her room and go to get in the bed, and she has one of her toys already out on the bed, or under the covers actually. I have like 25 minutes before I have to leave for work. We crawl under the covers and she pulls off my pants and underwear. Then she starts playing with me with her hand to begin with, then moves on to the toy. WOW! The kids kept running in, and she would have to turn off the toy and talk to them and make them leave the room. There was a point that I was so close to an orgasm it wasn’t even funny, but B came running in and she pulled away. GRRRRR!!!!! In between the kids running in, she kisses me on my neck and ear and plays with her toy on me. I finally climax and it was great. It has been for-freakin-ever, or it at least feels that way. She is smiling at me and when I ask why she is smiling she tells me that she is glad to know that she isn’t the only one. What she means is that it takes me a while to actually reach an orgasm. I found out that she is the same way. Nice to know that there is someone else out there who understands. It is a most frustrating problem. After that I go to work. She calls me later and basically just fucks with me. She moans and makes noises. Talks about what happened and how she liked it. She also tells me how wet she got watching me.

 

Well, it is now Sunday night. I am at work. I spent Sat night at my place and I was a very good girl. I couldn’t keep what had happened out of my mind though. I stay at the house and pretty much do nothing. April calls me before I leave for work and we talk for a bit. I go to work and we talk more there. I get off at ten, and J gets off work at nine. He calls her and says that he has had a rough day and he wants to get drunk. Then he says that if she wants a threesome to call me. She laughs and tells him that he can have one but he has to call me. He does call me. I am on the phone with April at this time, so we both know what is going on. I tell her that he has called me and all of that. We are laughing at him. We both kinda want this, but we are both worried that it will ruin our friendship. Not that either one of us will freak or anything. We are worried that once J gets what he thinks that he wants, that he will start to not trust A alone with me, which will suck. We tell him this, and he promises that as long as we are upfront and all of that, that he won’t have a reason not to trust her. After some talking, A tells me to come over. She says that if something happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

 

I go over there after work. She had just got out of the shower. Still isn’t dressed yet. J goes and takes a shower, and while he is in the shower, we watch TV and drink some. After J is done with his shower, I go get a shower myself. When we are all clean, we just kind of sprawl out on the bed, all of us kind of laying on each other. We finally get the kids to bed. A is complaining about being hot. She gets up to go check on the kids and when she gets back, she has more ice. She puts it down my pants. I get it out pretty fast and then I put it down her pants and hold it at her crotch. At this point her pants are getting wet. Remember how she feels about being wet, right? After some major complaining, J takes her pants off, and she isn’t wearing any underwear, which is actually normal for A. We calm down some and crawl under the covers and just cuddle. J rolls over on A and starts kissing her and reaches over for my breast to play. After their kiss, A looks at me and leans into me and kisses me. Then the fun begins. We pull out toys, and a lot of other things. We had a wild night, and I know I got off, I think that J did, but A didn’t. She said that was nothing new. I felt bad, but it seemed that we all had fun. We all go to bed and sleep til morning.

 

It is now Monday evening. I am at work again. I feel exhausted. After J went to work, A and I cleaned some and we end up in B’s room. I lay my head in her lap. She reaches over and plays with my nipples. Then I went to lay down in A’s bed. She comes in and lays beside me. We talk some and I mention that I wanted to get out the toy because I am still horny. She tells me to do that and that she wanted to watch me. I get the toy and I start playing. She leans over and starts sucking on my breast. I have never gotten so turned on by someone doing that then when she did. It is hard to explain but seeing her do that, watching it, just got me more turned on. It didn’t take long for her to take over with the toy. I was kind of glad that she did. I came and it was good. Then I leaned over and we kissed. I started playing with her crotch and she seemed to like it. I unzipped her pants, and went to unbutton them, but she made me wait while she got under the covers with me. She actually let me play with her. I had her moving for a bit there, but alas, I had to leave for work. I now want to go back and finish her off.

 

Update!!!!

Do we really need friends? What does define a good friend? When do you speak up and possibly piss off a friend? What if you know that speaking up will only piss your friend off and will ultimately change nothing? These are the questions that have been running through my mind for the last few weeks. I am at a total loss at what to do.

 

I have been friends with N for a while, since high school. That is fourteen years that we have been friends. He has been a very good friend to me, and has seen me through my worse and darkest moments. He is my rock and I love him, but he is a total dip-shit. His wife, M, works graveyard shift. She gets off work at five in the morning. N is a stay at home dad. All of this is fine, but the problem comes when he doesn’t do anything around the house to help out at all.

 

With my point of view, I think that N needs to be the one who keeps the house and the kids clean. He doesn’t. It will take him two weeks to wash dishes, and that is after M throws a fit and starts yelling. Then he gets mad at her for getting mad and will go do dishes, but he never actually does them all. He starts complaining about his back hurting. He is the same way about the laundry. Now I don’t know what his problem is really. I don’t know if it is because he doesn’t think that housework is something that a man should do, or if he is just burned out with being a house-dad. Now, I know this guy, and I feel like I know him pretty well. I don’t think that he is being like a typical male with thoughts that keeping the house clean is the woman’s job. He is the one who made the offer to let M go get a job while he stayed home. I think that it is a combination that he is feeling burned out about not being able to get out of the house, and the feelings that he isn’t worthy of what he has.

 

All I know is that M was outside of my house this morning bawling her eyes out and she had been drinking. She was all upset and at a loss at what to do. She felt like N just doesn’t care anymore and that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. I try to talk to N and get them to talk and he tells me that there is no point in talking because he won’t change. He is who he is and that is it. I have no doubts that he loves M but I don’t think that he knows just how very close he is to losing her. I just want to hit him over the head sometimes.

 

While we are on the subject of M, I have my own issues with her, and of course I feel like I am no better then N because I won’t talk to her about them. Of course mine are a total phobia of confrontation and I just don’t want to upset her at all. My issues go a way back and will need a bit of back story to get the whole picture. About four or fives months ago I was still living in Jesup. M calls me up and wants me to come up to Alma to visit, and go out with her and some of her friends for a girl’s night out. I agree and come up to visit. I have three days off and I figure why not. I get introduced to A and F. They are nice and I like them. A is a major firecracker. It is really hard to explain A. She is a total trip and I love her to death. She is very out spoken and holds nothing back. She calls herself “The Bitch” and she isn’t too far off the mark. She can be down right evil (ask her ex-husband) to someone who pisses her off, but she is the person you want on your side in a fight. She will stand up for you in a heartbeat. I love her. She makes me laugh all of the time. F is very sweet. She seems shy and kind of quiet, until you get her talking about her cheating husband. We all go out to dinner to Applebee’s for our first night out, if I remember correctly. Our server was a jerk and condescending. Oh man, The Bitch came out to play. I thought that was the ultimate bitch, but learned later on when we were heading to Tennessee the true extent of the bitch. She gets all mad and we call over the manager, who then fixes the problem. It was great. We ended up getting this great gay guy as a server, and we loved him.

 

Well, after that, I started going to Alma every week when I had my days off. Most of the time our girls night would include M, A and me. Sometimes F was able to join us. M started talking about how I need to move closer to Alma so that we can hang out more. I liked the idea. I wasn’t too happy in Jesup. I started looking for jobs here in Alma and started making plans to move. We all made plans that I would move in with M and N. I would stay with them until I got my own place. We were all excited about that. I loved hanging out with M. N and I got to rekindle our friendship and I got to know their girls and I have fallen head over heels in love with their kids. We got a plan. M and N talked to M’s aunt, who is also their landlord, and she says that rent will be an extra $100 a month if I move in. We get all planned, and the day before I move, M and N call me and tell me that M’s aunt doesn’t want me there. I am at a loss. No clue what to do now. I have to move now. M talks to A and F and they all agree that I can bounce around between the three of them until I get my own place. It doesn’t work out as well as planned. I really like A and F but I don’t know them well enough to intrude on them for two or three nights at a time. I ended up driving to Wal-Mart and sleeping in my car for a while. Everyone was getting mad at me for doing that, but I didn’t feel like I really had any better options.

 

I get frustrated with M because she won’t stand up to her aunt and A gets mad at M because of the same thing. M got to the point where she was being snippy and very short with me. I felt like she didn’t want me around at all. I was feeling pretty lost and alone. A was doing her best to try to be there for me, but I really didn’t know her all that well. Finally, A threatens to make her husband come up and handcuff me and make me stay with them. I reluctantly agree to spend the night there. I am glad that I did. It wasn’t too bad. We ended up kicking her husband out of the bed and made him sleep on the couch. A said she didn’t care who slept in her bed, and her husband was trying to be nice. Anyways, I have slept there quite a few nights now. I like A’s kids, for the most part. I only know three of the four kids because the oldest stays with her grandparents. Anyways, because of all of this that happened, A and I got to bond and became pretty close friends. I have even become friends with her husband.

 

The relationship between M and me is a little strained at the moment. It almost feels as though now that I am here, she really doesn’t want much to do with me. I am trying to understand that she works bad hours, and usually is tired, and that her husband doesn’t do much to help around the house, so her free time is spent trying to pick up the slack. I also know that she has a family and wants to spend time with them, and I don’t want to take away from that. I can’t help how I feel. I just feel like she did so much to get me up here because I thought that she wanted me closer, and now that I am here, she could really care less. A part of me feels that I should have just stayed in Jesup. Of course if I did, I wouldn’t have gotten this close to A.

 

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want to do. I really want to be a petty brat and not talk to M and just see how long it takes her to talk to me. That is bad. It is too petty and too much of my past bratty behavior, but she seems to want space. I don’t know. I just kinda miss her.

Testing

Just set up my LJ so that I can make a post with my phone so I am testing it out.
You can only say Yes or No!

You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!

Kissed someone on your top 4/8/16/24?
Yes

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
yes

Been arrested?
no

Kissed someone you didn't like?
no

Kissed a picture?
yes

Slept in until 5 PM?
yes

Held a snake?
yes

Been suspended from school?
no

Been fired from a job?
yes

Sang karaoke?
no

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
yes

Laughed until you started crying?
yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
yes

Kissed in the rain?
no

Sang in the shower?
YES

Sat on a roof top?
yes

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
yes

Broken a bone?
no

Shaved your head?
no

Slept naked?
yes

Blacked out from drugs?
no

played a prank on someone?
yes

Had a gym membership?
no

Felt like killing someone?
yes

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
no

Cried over someone you were in love with?
yes

Had sex more than 1 times in one day?
yes

Subscribed to Maxim?
no

Shot a gun?
no

Played strip poker?
YES

Tripped on mushrooms?
no

Donated Blood?
yes

Eaten alligator meat?
yes

Eaten cheesecake?
yes

Still love someone you shouldn't?
yes

Repost this as the Yes/No game

my second tattoo

Well, yesterday I went and got my second tattoo. I think I will like it better then my first. It is a band that goes across my right ankle. Rhonda and I were working together on Friday, and for the most part, it was a good day. I just don't like working morning shift. It feels longer, and is a little more stressful. I was happy to have Rhonda there though. She made me laugh and is just a fun person to be with. After we got off work (we had worked from 5am until 3pm) I decided that I wanted to go try looking for this one tattoo parlor she had told me about. She lives near it, but couldn't remember the exact location. I had tried earlier to find it, but couldn't. Well, I tell her that I am going to try to find it. She says "well come on, let's go driving." So we got in her car and headed out. We finally found it. After looking for a while and finding the right band, we get it started. She held my hand and laughed at me. It was a blast. I was glad that I had her with me.

 I wish that I could have gotten a better picture of it, but this is the best I could do. This is what is on the outside of my ankle looks like.



These initials are on the inside of my ankle. The initials are very personal, so don't ask. Sorry, but they are. They initials are R S L.