Things that make you go hmmmmmm [23 Dec 2008|10:04pm] [ mood | creative ] Okay, I was reading Tammy Lynn Micheals blog. (http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/) Amazing. OMG, she just posted something that just made me sit and think. It was all about gay marraige. I will copy and paste it here. It made me stop and think..... 12-19-08 anti-gay and the KKK-- that's only fair. ah, yes, obama, you're trying to be open-minded and embracing. i get it. you have rick warren up there to help bring together all sides of the country. and then you defended yourself, saying you were also having Dr Joseph Lowery, whose views are contrasting to the narrow-as-a-butt-crack rick warren. as if dr joseph represents gay rights, as much as dick warren represents anti-gay attitudes. yeah. well, i did some research. and while dr joseph has done many many things for civil rights, his amazing efforts were for the black community. he worked along side dr martin luther king jr, as well. i get it. dr joe is a great man, a legend in our own time, and i am so glad to be introduced to him via the presidential inauguration... but he ain't no "equal and opposite" man that is going to be up there representing interests that oppose those of dick warren. so... in the sense that you are trying to bring together all sides of the country, and unify us all, i would like to embrace that idea... and ask you to invite some VERY oppositional folks from the southern chapters of the KKK, to attend the ceremonies. you know- i just want to embrace all sides. i just know you don't want to insult us gays; and so to show us that there are no hard feelings about a persons personal views on races and sexuality, i think it is a great idea to include folks from all walks of life- anti gay AND anti black. if you can bring in an anti-gay thug, why can't you bring in some anti-black thugs? what's wrong with that? i just want everyone to feel included. i had no idea i'd have second guessing about my vote for obama vs. hilary. as long as obama is right, and he is inviting people from ALL WALKS of life, and INCLUSIVE of ALL perspectives, i'll overlook this one selfish oversight.... it'll be interesting to see if they have a group of the white hoods up there, or if they'll just have one single Grand Wizard up there to represent... maybe just a single burning cross? then there's no security check- just a pack of matches. easy breezy. fucking rick warren, obama? really? 12-20-08 as the universe laughed at me, i got a little spittle in my eye aw, dammit. so then the universe kicked me in my ass. i was hustling through the back door with arms full of solstice gifts when honey approached me, almost breathless. "you'll never guess who the keynote speaker is at the Muslim [blah blah] tomorrow night." her eyes were round as my fist, and her glasses were sliding down her nose. multiple names ran through my mind. and then i knew. i knew in a moment. i knew in a moment the way a train can barrel through a car in a moment. not even enough time to inhale. "fucking rick warren," i stated. she nodded. "shit. i just called him a dick in my blog." she nodded faster. then she grinned a grin like only honey-with-an-idea can grin. that grinch grin when he thinks who-ville is screwed out of christmas, and they're all miserable? that kind of grin. "i've asked to speak to him for 10 minutes. we're all in this together-- i want to reach out and be in this as one. if we really ARE supposed to be tolerant, then we'll talk." i was agape. i hear about this guy, and i'm calling him crude names of male anatomy parts. honey hears about this guy, and she's all peace-pipe-hold-my-hand-and-sing about it. we need more people like honey. i digress. which is sometimes better than the point at the time. a digression. dammit. 12-21-08 the big rick's yamaka OMG. when was the last time i had so many minutes to play with my blog? awesome. so honey met rick warren last night. well, she spoke to him on the phone beforehand, giving us insight into the man the media has made our latest "HE HATES YOU!" target. if i sit real still and think about it.. it's almost like reverse smear-the-queer. remember that recess game in second grade (natalie? derek? karyn?), when one kid had the ball, and all the other kids had to chase and kick the shit out of said person, hence "smearing" him? well, at times, it seems that the media presents us with target after target to smear, as if to say to us, "THIS IS THE GUY HOLDING YOU BACK!! GO GIT 'IM!!!" and it does seem that my lovely gay family is so bruised and bettered and ready to fight back (myself included), that we attack and deem someone ANTI-GAY, and ready to SMEAR, simply when they don't want the word "marriage" brought into our gay ceremonies. now, if the person doesn't want gays AT ALL, then i'm gonna chase that one down. but, i'm starting to think that there are indeed some people... some well-meaning and loving people... who are not at all ANTI-GAY, that's not why they don't want the word marriage used... they are merely RELIGIOUS. and for religious (archaic) reasons, they want to stay safe and respectful to WHAT THEY'VE BEEN TAUGHT. let me try to differentiate the two. let's say i am wearing a baseball cap. now what if i want to call it a yamaka? you know- it's basically the same thing, but one is missing the sun visor. i don't call my caps yamakas... cuz that is a religious name for a hat that is worn by religious people. now if i apply that thinking to this situation.... i would like to think of it as.... if they afford us the EXACT SAME RIGHTS, then who cares what it's called? my friend joel can wear his yamaka. i can wear my hat. joel can light his menorah, i'll light my candle. joel can eat his matzo ball soup, and i can break crackers into my soup. joel and hanna can have a piece of paper with the word MARRIAGE on it, and all 1200 rights... and i can have a piece of paper with who-cares on it, and all 1200 rights. the word marriage is a religious, holy, word that people who go to church on sundays are told belongs to them. like yamaka, menorah, or matzo. rick is not a televangelist. rick is not falwell. rick spoke of some "stupid" things he's said (his word, not mine), some missquotes that were given, and lots of ammunition from the media. all excellent points. (we're all war-minded right now, you know. it's easy for the media to distract us by throwing us into our own verbal wars here at home.) ) what to do, what to do.... the rest of the public is given an animation of rick warren... and then my wife meets the man behind the projections, the quotes, the "OTHER SIDE". and he is warm, caring, effusive, and LOVES gays. since he nearly swallowed honey when he hugged her, i tend to believe him. he wants our gay marriages to be just as respected and embraced as the straight marriages. he just wants to wear his yamaka, and me wear my hat. anway. hath hell frozenth over? rick warren was humble and kind. honey and i are to go to his church sometime soon. and honey invited him to our house for an afternoon, to be with our family. (w.t.f.) open minds hearts hands differences fade. Ready to cut loose?

Who knew?? [08 Jul 2008|08:27pm] [ mood | creative ] Who knew that watching Xena could help you when you were watching Jeopardy? The category was original language, or something like that. They qave you a quote, and you had to say what the original language was. Well one of the questions, (or is it answers) was "An unexamined life is not worth living." Well, because I watched Xena, and I remember Gabrielle telling Xena that Socrates said that, so I knew it was Greek. Yay me!! Ready to cut loose?

X-rated!! Be for-warned [25 Jun 2007|07:25pm] [ mood | amused ] Boy life sure can be funny. Some days it just hits you and throws your world upside down. The last few days have been like that. A and I have a very interesting friendship. We are always picking on each other. She will say something and I will be a smart ass to her and she will usually say “God you are such a bitch” and my reply is usually “Yeah, but you still love me.” I am ticklish. From being tickled so much by children, I have learned how to ignore most of my tickle spots when I really want to and concentrate on it. A found the one spot where I can’t do that. She eats it up too. She is always sitting on me and tickling me until I am begging for mercy. She also bites me on my ass. Of course this is usually after I tell her to bite me. In retaliation of her tickles, or sometimes just because I am feeling froggy, I will pour water on her. I know that she absolutely hates to be wet. I am talking she will just go crazy until she can change her clothes, so I make it a point to pour some water on her at some point. Then I fight her so she can’t change right away. We also have these ice wars. She is pretty good about sneaking a piece of ice in her hand. Then she likes to come up and put it down my pants. GRRR!! We usually get into wrestling matches with that. She is a lot stronger than I am, so she usually wins. We both end up wet, cold, and out of breath by the time we are done. Then she rushes to change clothes. It is always worth it in the end though.   She calls me all of the time. Probably four or five times a day. We talk about everything and anything. Usually she wants to kill her kids, usually her daughter, or her husband. Guess she just likes having an adult to talk to. We will talk around an hour at a time. I remember when L and I used to do that.  Now L and I barely talk these days. When A calls me, she usually asks me what I am doing and I sometimes reply with “sitting here, thinking about you.” She replies “Oh really? What about me?” We end up doing a little dirty talk. Nothing to it really, just goofing off. We also ask each other what they are wearing. She will tell me that she is going to take a bath and if I hurry over, I can join her, or that she is on her way to my place and she is going to get naked on the way and crawl into bed with me. I usually just reply “Oh baby.” And leave it at that. It is all innocent (ok, not quite so innocent) fun between friends.   Thursday, we go over to M’s house to watch some dvd’s that we rented. It was the second disk of The L Word. M has really gotten into it. I think that A did too. Well, I picked up A and drove us both over to M’s house. We stay over there until 1:30 in the morning. Then A and I decide we are hungry and head off to Taco Bell then I am going to take her home. After we got our food we head off to A’s house. She asks me if I am staying the night or going home. I figure that I will be going home, but agree to stay and eat with her. On the way home, she puts ice down my pants. Great! It was freaking cold. We hit her dirt road and she rubs her hand on my thigh then moves her hand up to my crotch. I try to pull away, but she stops me and tells me to relax. She rubs a little bit. She leans over and starts kissing on my neck nibbles on ear and my neck. She asks me if M has does that to me. I replied that no she didn’t. She continues biting my neck then leans in and whispers “are you wet?” I can’t speak, so I just nod. She says “oh really?” then slides her hand into my pants and starts playing with me. She tells me to look over at her. When I do, she kisses me. Full on kiss. OH MY GOD! I was in total shock. I couldn’t believe that it was happening to me, but damn, it felt so good. It has been too long since I actually felt someone else’s hands on my body. She then whispers in my ear that this stays between the two of us, and that we won’t say anything to anyone at all. Not even M, who works with A’s husband. Of course I agree. Who the hell am I going to tell? Now, remember, I am trying to drive here. Luckily we are on a long dirt road with few houses, because we end up stopped on the road, at two in the morning making out.   She stops after a while and we head home. No, I didn’t actually get off, but I was breathing hard there. When we get to her house, her husband is in bed. She goes back there and talks to him. She ends up in the recliner with her three year old rocking him to sleep and I end up on the couch asleep. I end up spending the night, though I didn’t intend to. Her husband, J mentions that I seem awfully quiet. I just look at A who raises her eyebrows. I just shrug my shoulders and go about my business. Now, fast forward to Saturday.   I spend the night at A’s house Friday night so that she and I can get up early and go do yard sales. She goes out every Saturday morning. Friday night, I show up at their house and they are both in bed. They are watching a movie, The Messengers, but J tells me to crawl into bed. Halfway through that movie, it has gotten a little creepy so I tell J and A that they have a new bed partner for that night. Oh, did I mention that A is only wearing her underwear? Actually, she was wearing J’s boxer briefs. That is all. Now, she wasn’t flashing me or anything. She did well with keeping the covers over herself. She did ask J if she needed to get dressed, and he said “why? Heather has seen it before.” So, here I am, in bed with a married couple, one who practically nude. It was just weird. I did end up rubbing her back though, she said it itched. A’s back is beautiful. God, it just begs to be touched. Like I said, we got up early and did yard sales. She re-voices her concerns that J is to never know about what happened. I agree. She then says “because I would hate to have to kill you.” That makes me laugh. We have a lot of fun and I get some good deals on some pants which I need since I am down to a size nine now. We head back to A’s house. J goes to work, and I go take a bath in A’s bathroom because frankly, the kids bathroom is just plain scary. She comes in to pee while I am in the bath. She leaves but comes right back with something behind her back. She says she brought me something. I tell her “Uh-oh I’m scared” she replies “Oh, you should be.” She leans down and rubs her hand down my back. She has a freaking ice cube in her hand. SHEESH!! She laughs and walks away. She comes back in later and sits on the toilet and talks to me. I finish up in the bath and get out and dry off. Get ready for work, and then I go sit with her on the couch. I am a little cold so I pull a blanket over me. She leans over and lays her head on my shoulder. I start playing with her hair. The next thing I know, she is unbuttoning my pants and sliding her hands in. She starts to play with me again. Now we are in the living room. Kids are running back and forth. She whispers in my ear “are you horny?” I nod as speech has left me mute. She just reaches further and feels just how wet I am and moans herself. That almost undoes me. She asks me if I want to go to her bed and I say yeah in a voice that doesn’t really sound like me. She starts to get up and looks at me and says “this stays just between us, remember?” Like I need to be reminded. I follow her to her room and go to get in the bed, and she has one of her toys already out on the bed, or under the covers actually. I have like 25 minutes before I have to leave for work. We crawl under the covers and she pulls off my pants and underwear. Then she starts playing with me with her hand to begin with, then moves on to the toy. WOW! The kids kept running in, and she would have to turn off the toy and talk to them and make them leave the room. There was a point that I was so close to an orgasm it wasn’t even funny, but B came running in and she pulled away. GRRRRR!!!!! In between the kids running in, she kisses me on my neck and ear and plays with her toy on me. I finally climax and it was great. It has been for-freakin-ever, or it at least feels that way. She is smiling at me and when I ask why she is smiling she tells me that she is glad to know that she isn’t the only one. What she means is that it takes me a while to actually reach an orgasm. I found out that she is the same way. Nice to know that there is someone else out there who understands. It is a most frustrating problem. After that I go to work. She calls me later and basically just fucks with me. She moans and makes noises. Talks about what happened and how she liked it. She also tells me how wet she got watching me.   Well, it is now Sunday night. I am at work. I spent Sat night at my place and I was a very good girl. I couldn’t keep what had happened out of my mind though. I stay at the house and pretty much do nothing. April calls me before I leave for work and we talk for a bit. I go to work and we talk more there. I get off at ten, and J gets off work at nine. He calls her and says that he has had a rough day and he wants to get drunk. Then he says that if she wants a threesome to call me. She laughs and tells him that he can have one but he has to call me. He does call me. I am on the phone with April at this time, so we both know what is going on. I tell her that he has called me and all of that. We are laughing at him. We both kinda want this, but we are both worried that it will ruin our friendship. Not that either one of us will freak or anything. We are worried that once J gets what he thinks that he wants, that he will start to not trust A alone with me, which will suck. We tell him this, and he promises that as long as we are upfront and all of that, that he won’t have a reason not to trust her. After some talking, A tells me to come over. She says that if something happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.   I go over there after work. She had just got out of the shower. Still isn’t dressed yet. J goes and takes a shower, and while he is in the shower, we watch TV and drink some. After J is done with his shower, I go get a shower myself. When we are all clean, we just kind of sprawl out on the bed, all of us kind of laying on each other. We finally get the kids to bed. A is complaining about being hot. She gets up to go check on the kids and when she gets back, she has more ice. She puts it down my pants. I get it out pretty fast and then I put it down her pants and hold it at her crotch. At this point her pants are getting wet. Remember how she feels about being wet, right? After some major complaining, J takes her pants off, and she isn’t wearing any underwear, which is actually normal for A. We calm down some and crawl under the covers and just cuddle. J rolls over on A and starts kissing her and reaches over for my breast to play. After their kiss, A looks at me and leans into me and kisses me. Then the fun begins. We pull out toys, and a lot of other things. We had a wild night, and I know I got off, I think that J did, but A didn’t. She said that was nothing new. I felt bad, but it seemed that we all had fun. We all go to bed and sleep til morning.   It is now Monday evening. I am at work again. I feel exhausted. After J went to work, A and I cleaned some and we end up in B’s room. I lay my head in her lap. She reaches over and plays with my nipples. Then I went to lay down in A’s bed. She comes in and lays beside me. We talk some and I mention that I wanted to get out the toy because I am still horny. She tells me to do that and that she wanted to watch me. I get the toy and I start playing. She leans over and starts sucking on my breast. I have never gotten so turned on by someone doing that then when she did. It is hard to explain but seeing her do that, watching it, just got me more turned on. It didn’t take long for her to take over with the toy. I was kind of glad that she did. I came and it was good. Then I leaned over and we kissed. I started playing with her crotch and she seemed to like it. I unzipped her pants, and went to unbutton them, but she made me wait while she got under the covers with me. She actually let me play with her. I had her moving for a bit there, but alas, I had to leave for work. I now want to go back and finish her off.   Ready to cut loose?

Update!!!! [25 Jun 2007|07:22pm] [ mood | cranky ] Do we really need friends? What does define a good friend? When do you speak up and possibly piss off a friend? What if you know that speaking up will only piss your friend off and will ultimately change nothing? These are the questions that have been running through my mind for the last few weeks. I am at a total loss at what to do.   I have been friends with N for a while, since high school. That is fourteen years that we have been friends. He has been a very good friend to me, and has seen me through my worse and darkest moments. He is my rock and I love him, but he is a total dip-shit. His wife, M, works graveyard shift. She gets off work at five in the morning. N is a stay at home dad. All of this is fine, but the problem comes when he doesn’t do anything around the house to help out at all.   With my point of view, I think that N needs to be the one who keeps the house and the kids clean. He doesn’t. It will take him two weeks to wash dishes, and that is after M throws a fit and starts yelling. Then he gets mad at her for getting mad and will go do dishes, but he never actually does them all. He starts complaining about his back hurting. He is the same way about the laundry. Now I don’t know what his problem is really. I don’t know if it is because he doesn’t think that housework is something that a man should do, or if he is just burned out with being a house-dad. Now, I know this guy, and I feel like I know him pretty well. I don’t think that he is being like a typical male with thoughts that keeping the house clean is the woman’s job. He is the one who made the offer to let M go get a job while he stayed home. I think that it is a combination that he is feeling burned out about not being able to get out of the house, and the feelings that he isn’t worthy of what he has.   All I know is that M was outside of my house this morning bawling her eyes out and she had been drinking. She was all upset and at a loss at what to do. She felt like N just doesn’t care anymore and that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. I try to talk to N and get them to talk and he tells me that there is no point in talking because he won’t change. He is who he is and that is it. I have no doubts that he loves M but I don’t think that he knows just how very close he is to losing her. I just want to hit him over the head sometimes.   While we are on the subject of M, I have my own issues with her, and of course I feel like I am no better then N because I won’t talk to her about them. Of course mine are a total phobia of confrontation and I just don’t want to upset her at all. My issues go a way back and will need a bit of back story to get the whole picture. About four or fives months ago I was still living in Jesup. M calls me up and wants me to come up to Alma to visit, and go out with her and some of her friends for a girl’s night out. I agree and come up to visit. I have three days off and I figure why not. I get introduced to A and F. They are nice and I like them. A is a major firecracker. It is really hard to explain A. She is a total trip and I love her to death. She is very out spoken and holds nothing back. She calls herself “The Bitch” and she isn’t too far off the mark. She can be down right evil (ask her ex-husband) to someone who pisses her off, but she is the person you want on your side in a fight. She will stand up for you in a heartbeat. I love her. She makes me laugh all of the time. F is very sweet. She seems shy and kind of quiet, until you get her talking about her cheating husband. We all go out to dinner to Applebee’s for our first night out, if I remember correctly. Our server was a jerk and condescending. Oh man, The Bitch came out to play. I thought that was the ultimate bitch, but learned later on when we were heading to Tennessee the true extent of the bitch. She gets all mad and we call over the manager, who then fixes the problem. It was great. We ended up getting this great gay guy as a server, and we loved him.   Well, after that, I started going to Alma every week when I had my days off. Most of the time our girls night would include M, A and me. Sometimes F was able to join us. M started talking about how I need to move closer to Alma so that we can hang out more. I liked the idea. I wasn’t too happy in Jesup. I started looking for jobs here in Alma and started making plans to move. We all made plans that I would move in with M and N. I would stay with them until I got my own place. We were all excited about that. I loved hanging out with M. N and I got to rekindle our friendship and I got to know their girls and I have fallen head over heels in love with their kids. We got a plan. M and N talked to M’s aunt, who is also their landlord, and she says that rent will be an extra $100 a month if I move in. We get all planned, and the day before I move, M and N call me and tell me that M’s aunt doesn’t want me there. I am at a loss. No clue what to do now. I have to move now. M talks to A and F and they all agree that I can bounce around between the three of them until I get my own place. It doesn’t work out as well as planned. I really like A and F but I don’t know them well enough to intrude on them for two or three nights at a time. I ended up driving to Wal-Mart and sleeping in my car for a while. Everyone was getting mad at me for doing that, but I didn’t feel like I really had any better options.   I get frustrated with M because she won’t stand up to her aunt and A gets mad at M because of the same thing. M got to the point where she was being snippy and very short with me. I felt like she didn’t want me around at all. I was feeling pretty lost and alone. A was doing her best to try to be there for me, but I really didn’t know her all that well. Finally, A threatens to make her husband come up and handcuff me and make me stay with them. I reluctantly agree to spend the night there. I am glad that I did. It wasn’t too bad. We ended up kicking her husband out of the bed and made him sleep on the couch. A said she didn’t care who slept in her bed, and her husband was trying to be nice. Anyways, I have slept there quite a few nights now. I like A’s kids, for the most part. I only know three of the four kids because the oldest stays with her grandparents. Anyways, because of all of this that happened, A and I got to bond and became pretty close friends. I have even become friends with her husband.   The relationship between M and me is a little strained at the moment. It almost feels as though now that I am here, she really doesn’t want much to do with me. I am trying to understand that she works bad hours, and usually is tired, and that her husband doesn’t do much to help around the house, so her free time is spent trying to pick up the slack. I also know that she has a family and wants to spend time with them, and I don’t want to take away from that. I can’t help how I feel. I just feel like she did so much to get me up here because I thought that she wanted me closer, and now that I am here, she could really care less. A part of me feels that I should have just stayed in Jesup. Of course if I did, I wouldn’t have gotten this close to A.   I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want to do. I really want to be a petty brat and not talk to M and just see how long it takes her to talk to me. That is bad. It is too petty and too much of my past bratty behavior, but she seems to want space. I don’t know. I just kinda miss her. Ready to cut loose?

Testing [23 Nov 2006|02:37am] Just set up my LJ so that I can make a post with my phone so I am testing it out. Ready to cut loose?

[03 Nov 2006|03:13am] You can only say Yes or No! You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks! Kissed someone on your top 4/8/16/24? Yes Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes Been arrested? no Kissed someone you didn't like? no Kissed a picture? yes Slept in until 5 PM? yes Held a snake? yes Been suspended from school? no Been fired from a job? yes Sang karaoke? no Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes Laughed until you started crying? yes Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes Kissed in the rain? no Sang in the shower? YES Sat on a roof top? yes Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes Broken a bone? no Shaved your head? no Slept naked? yes Blacked out from drugs? no played a prank on someone? yes Had a gym membership? no Felt like killing someone? yes Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? no Cried over someone you were in love with? yes Had sex more than 1 times in one day? yes Subscribed to Maxim? no Shot a gun? no Played strip poker? YES Tripped on mushrooms? no Donated Blood? yes Eaten alligator meat? yes Eaten cheesecake? yes Still love someone you shouldn't? yes Repost this as the Yes/No game Ready to cut loose?

[01 Nov 2006|02:18am] Ready to cut loose?

[26 Sep 2006|07:17am] Ready to cut loose?

my second tattoo [23 Sep 2006|08:33pm] [ mood | crazy ] Well, yesterday I went and got my second tattoo. I think I will like it better then my first. It is a band that goes across my right ankle. Rhonda and I were working together on Friday, and for the most part, it was a good day. I just don't like working morning shift. It feels longer, and is a little more stressful. I was happy to have Rhonda there though. She made me laugh and is just a fun person to be with. After we got off work (we had worked from 5am until 3pm) I decided that I wanted to go try looking for this one tattoo parlor she had told me about. She lives near it, but couldn't remember the exact location. I had tried earlier to find it, but couldn't. Well, I tell her that I am going to try to find it. She says "well come on, let's go driving." So we got in her car and headed out. We finally found it. After looking for a while and finding the right band, we get it started. She held my hand and laughed at me. It was a blast. I was glad that I had her with me.  I wish that I could have gotten a better picture of it, but this is the best I could do. This is what is on the outside of my ankle looks like. These initials are on the inside of my ankle. The initials are very personal, so don't ask. Sorry, but they are. They initials are R S L. 1 Cut Loose | Ready to cut loose?

[07 Sep 2006|08:01pm] [ mood | crazy ] So, this weekend was pretty interesting. I worked Friday and Sat. I was supposed to go with Rhonda, Sarah and Derek to Kingsland to go to the catfish festival on Labor Day weekend. Sarah had invited me to go, and did so in front of Rhonda. I know that when I did things like that, my mom would be angry for being put on the spot. Anyways, Rhonda said that I could come “if I wanted to.” Of course, to me and my esteem issues, I took that as her saying that she didn’t really want me to go. This was like the Tues before Labor Day. Anyways, like I said, I didn’t get the feeling that she really wanted me to go so I half heartedly agreed that I would go with them. I decided not to mention the trip and see what would happen. We were supposed to leave Sunday after Rhonda got off of work and head off to Kingsland from work. Come Friday afternoon, I saw Rhonda and still no mention of it. I figured that this was just a good out for Rhonda. If I didn’t mention it and she didn’t want me to go, she would just leave it alone and that would be that. Saturday, Rhonda worked day shift and I came in for night shift. I came in a little early because I like to spend a little time with Sarah before they have to leave. Sarah took over my phone, like she always does. Soon, she asks me if I was still going to go. Rhonda was off in the bathroom or something, so I tell Sarah that I wasn’t sure, that I had to think about it. Not two minutes later, Rhonda came up and we got to talking. She then told me that she had talked to her sister Penny and told her that it was going to be me, Rhonda, Sarah and Ashley. I must have given her a look because she then asked me “You’re still going right? Don’t make me ride with those kids by myself.” I laughed at that. Of course my fears about her not wanting me to go were all gone now. We talked about where and when we were going to meet. We figured that I would meet Rhonda at work when she got off and I would ride over with her, leaving my car at work. I show up on Sunday before she gets off and figured that I would help her get her work done if she needed it. She then started to vent to me about Derek. Last time we hear anything Derek hasn’t said word one about wanting to go. We were spending the night with Rhonda’s little sister Penny, and Rhonda didn’t mention Derek coming with us when she told Penny how many people were coming. Then Derek finds out that so far the people going will be Rhonda, Sarah, Ashley and me. He gets mad and says “Oh, I guess that I can’t go then.” Rhonda tells him that he never told her anything, so she assumed he wasn’t going. He was then saying that he wouldn’t go and that it was obvious that we didn’t want him to go anyways. Rhonda was getting all upset. Finally, she convinces him that if he wanted to go, he was wanted, so then he wants to invite his friend Taylor. Rhonda doesn’t really care about that kid, but after some arguing, says that he can come. Well, we get to Rhonda’s house and get everything packed up, and head on out. Of course we hear the typical “Stop it” and all of the stuff that siblings do. It was a little aggravating. We go straight to the festival and concert. The kids run off to do their thing and leave me and Rhonda to do our thing. We head over to where the concert is and watch a little bit of Craig Morgan sing. He was pretty good, and I knew more songs then I thought that I knew. Around 6:30 we start to head back to the car and meet up with the kids. Then we head over to Penny’s house. Penny has two kids, Peyton and Taylor. Peyton is 5 years old and she is full of energy. Taylor is 3 and probably has more energy. Rhonda and Penny sit on the couch and catch up a little. I am sitting on the couch with the girls, Sarah and Ashley. Rhonda then says that she wants us adults to go out and leave the kids behind. She said she was going to leave Sarah and Ashley to watch Peyton and Taylor. Sarah asked if we do this, can Derek and his friend go over to their grandparents house? Derek gets all pissed off and this starts a huge argument between the two of them. I understand both kids. Sarah didn’t want Derek there without their mom because all he would do is piss off Sarah. Derek didn’t want to go to his grandparents house because he said he is always sent over there while Sarah gets to stay at Aunt Penny’s. Anyways, the bickering got bad enough that Rhonda was ready to just go home. She grabs her cigarettes and goes outside to smoke because she is so frustrated. I sit with the kids, and get mad at them and tell them that they made her upset. They finally work out an agreement and decide to work it out. I go out with Rhonda and talk to her. She gets upset and all she wants is to go out with her sister like adults. She says that her kids are grown and they should be able to be left alone. After she cries a little and gets her anger out Penny comes out and wants to know what she missed. She had been in her room putting her kids to sleep and missed much of the fight. After things are better, Penny asked where we wanted to go and Rhonda said she wanted to go somewhere where she can get drunk. We laughed at that, and decided on Applebee’s. Rhonda gets a few margaritas, and doesn’t get drunk, but does get tipsy. It was a lot of fun. Penny and Rhonda are a lot a like, and I was always laughing when we were together. I heard a lot of childhood stories of those two. We ended up coming home and kick Derek out of our bed. He thought that since he called the bed first that he should get it. Rhonda informed him that the two of us are adults and we don’t HAVE to call any bed. We get first shot. We got into bed and talked a little bit. Then both fell asleep. While we were sleeping, she takes all of the covers from me. Then she cuddles with me. It was okay though, I like to cuddle.   I didn’t wake up until later when Penny came to tell Rhonda goodbye and to let us know that she was bringing both girls with her to the parade. Right before they left, Sarah came in to say good bye and gave me a hug bye. It was very sweet. I got up shortly after they left. It was around 9am. I went out to the living room. The boys and I had some cereal and just chatted for a while. Derek got on the computer, and his poor friend was bored, so we started playing Jenga. Rhonda woke up around 10:30am. She was actually kind of pretty. Her hair was down, and she had that rough gravely voice that you get when you first wake up. Then she smiled at us, and I love her smile. She went out to smoke then came in and joined in on the game of Jenga. Soon, we get ready and head out to her mom’s house for lunch. We had a huge lunch. Pot roast, rice and gravy, lima beans, biscuits, mac and cheese, and chocolate cake. It was all good and we all got stuffed. Then we crawl into the car. The hatchback on Rhonda’s car is broken. There is a bar that is supposed to snap shut and it holds the spare tire. Well, it is broken and won’t stay in place. It is duct taped shut. Derek opens the door and that tears off the tape that is holding the bar in place. Rhonda gets angry at him for doing that. Now, she has to try to tape it back together. Of course, Derek is being a pain in the ass about it and then starts a yelling match between mother and son. Lord help us all. After a while, we get the car fixed, and head out to the festival. This time the person singing is Billy Currington. He was also pretty good. Rhonda has this huge thing for him. She said that she was going to try to get on his tour bus and leave me the keys to her car and I would have to take everyone home. After listening to some songs, we went walking around to all of the booths. I made a candle, and bought a toe ring. Then we headed home. I was so tired when I got home that I pretty much crashed as soon as I laid down. Ready to cut loose?

[29 Aug 2006|02:12am] [ mood | sleepy ] I have been kind of in the dumps lately. I found out that my uncle is trying to move back to town. If he does, he will be staying with us until he finds his own place. I told Rhonda, a woman I work with that I was going to move in with her if he moved in with us. Speaking of work, it is going better. The one gal that I don’t like has quit. She was asked to take a drug test so she quit and Rhonda and I have bonded. I have always like Rhonda. She is so sweet and caring. She would give you the shirt off of her back if you needed it. She is always armed with a “Hey honey.” and a hug when I see her. She has two children, Sarah and Derek. Sarah just turned 18 and Derek is 16. I think that Derek has a crush on me though. It is sweet though. I love the kids. They are amazing kids, and take after their mother a lot. On Saturday, I came into work, and Rhonda was getting ready to leave. There is an hour overlap for the shifts. It was just the two of us and as always, we were cutting up. We got to talking about Sarah and something. Anyways, Rhonda mentioned that her fiancé was Sarah’s father figure, which he is. I asked if Sarah and Derek saw their real father at all. She said that they didn’t, and that she would kill him before he saw them again, besides, he was in prison. I, of course, asked why he was in prison and was told it was because he molested Sarah and Derek. Oh that got me hot. These were two kids that I like and the thought of that made me pissed off. I told her that made me so angry, especially after everything I went through with my uncle. Rhonda asked ”And this is the uncle that is moving back in with you?” I told her yeah. I asked her how she found out about her kids, she said that she got a call from DFACS. The kids had been staying with their father because he was better off financially and she let them stay with him for the most part because it was what she felt was better for the kids. Needless to say, she felt guilty, and said that knowing him, he probably told the kids not to tell her that she didn’t care, because if she did care, she wouldn’t have left them with him. Anyways, they are living with her now, and their father is in jail. They seem happy and healthy, so that is good. Rhonda got pissed because she wasn’t allowed in the court room when he was being tried because she threatened to kill him. I can’t blame her really. She started asking me questions about what I went through. She asked me “How old were you when he started? Not that is matters.”  I told her that I was five. She asked me when he stopped. I told her I was fifteen. She asked when did I tell my mom, I told her that I was fifteen, and I only told mom because I had to. She asked me why, and I told her that I was in the hospital. She paused for a few seconds. Neither one of us were looking at the other person. I could tell that she didn’t like hearing it, but she kept asking. She sighed and asked me why I was in the hospital. My voice kinda choked then. I answered “I had a miscarriage.” By this point I was shutting down emotionally. I can sit here and type out what happened, and it doesn’t seem so bad, but actually putting voice to it is a total different story. Well, my back was to her, and we were both quiet. She didn’t ask much more at that time. She walked up to me and started rubbing her hands up and down on my arms, then whispered a very quiet “come here.” I turned, and she gave me this big hug. I was just trying not to cry as I was at work. She told me that it was ok. When we ended the hug, she had tears in her eyes. We didn’t do much, but her tears were kind of healing. I mean, someone crying because of my pain. I hadn’t known that before. She asked me then what did my mom say when I told her. I really didn’t want to say anything because my mom comes to this store a lot and even though she fucked up with me then, she isn’t a bad person. I figured that I went this far, so I told her the truth. My mom called me a slut and a whore because I was pregnant at fifteen. She said that I was lying about my uncle and only said that for attention, and to get the blame off of me and my royal fuck up. Rhonda’s tears cleared up fast. She said “But you were only fifteen!! That is ridiculous. Was it his?” I said yeah. She then started asking me if I thought that he would start up again if he moved back in with us. I told her that I wasn’t sure. I didn’t really want to stick around and find out. Things kind of quieted down a little, and we went on about our own work. A little while later she gave me a hug. For no reason. She said “I love you Heather.” I laughed and asked her why. She said “Just cuz.” It was nice to hear. Later on, I looked up from what I was doing and saw her looking at me. I asked her “What?” She said “nothing”, but had this smile on her face. Have I mentioned that she has a killer smile. I can’t explain it, but it goes all the way up to her eyes, and it does feel like sunshine when she smiles. Anyways. I got one of those smiles. I asked her why she was looking at me, and she just smiled and said because she loved me and she could. I tell you, that was different. It was nice feeling that way. It was the way that I wish my mom had reacted when I told her what had happened. Anyways we finished up and her shift was over, so she hugged me again and told me to just keep smiling, then headed home. Later on that night, she called me at work and asked me what I was doing the next day. I told her that I had to work. She asked me to go to lunch with her. I agreed and we went out to lunch today, her treat, though I did try to pay. The service was lousy, the food was only okay, but I still had fun. 1 Cut Loose | Ready to cut loose?

[14 Aug 2006|02:19am] [ mood | bitchy ] OMG! I am in lust and in revulsion.   My manager’s son has a huge crush on me. Normally I find this kind of cute, but not this time. This time it horrifies me. This guy is the utmost loser. I really can’t stand to be near him all that much. He is 35 years old, and still lives with his mom. He is also unemployed and doesn’t seem all that motivated to get a job. He also lost his license because of too many DUI’s. He also lovew to talk about all of his ex-girlfriends and why they broke up with him. I guess he thinks that this would impress me. Boy was he mistaken.   My old co-worker, Shirley Bell has this daughter, who is absolutely cute. I am talking that I have to actually work so that I won’t drool. She lives in Tampa. Her name is Karen, and I just know that she is gay. She has to be. My friggin gaydar goes off everytime she enters the store. Today, her family had a wedding to go to, and everyone is all dressed up. She comes in with this powder blue button up shirt with gray slacks. For a wedding! That should convince anyone that she is. Anyways, she was hot in that outfit. Well, I tell Karen that I am going with her, and she tells me to hop in the car. Oh man, I would love to. I tell her about the manager’s son and his crush. She says “oh come on, give him a chance.” I tell her “He is so not my type. There is nothing that he could do to make him my type.” She threw back her head laughing. It was nice to know that I could make her laugh.   Oh, I have a laptop. Finally! I have been talking about getting one for a long time. It is a nice one. I am very happy to have it. I just need to transfer all of the stuff off of my computer onto the laptop. That should be a blast. NOT! This laptop has a CD burner and a DVD player. YAY! I spent most of my shift today at work watching DVDs. That is my new plan. I can also use the laptop to write on my stories while at work. I was handwriting them in a notebook and then typing them up when I got home. It will be such a relief to not have to do it that way anymore. Well, I am off. I still have an hour and a half of my shift to go through. I think that I will watch some more DVDs. Ready to cut loose?

[15 Jun 2006|09:40pm] Poll #748903 Would you? Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 2 You are shopping online for a book. The description of this book sounds really good to you. You head over to the reviews from readers and there is one that is a very bad review. Does this stop you from buying that book. View Answers Yes 0 (0.0%) No 2 (100.0%) Maybe, depends on the review 0 (0.0%) Ready to cut loose?

[11 Jun 2006|12:46pm] This is pretty neat. What does your handwriting say about you? ( My Results ) Ready to cut loose?

[18 May 2006|02:40am] [ mood | bitchy ] I have a job. Yay! I also have a car. I work as a gas station in town. American Jack’s. It used to be Greg’s Corner. I have been there about 5 weeks now. I like the job and I like the people I work with, for the most part. They are much more laid back here. The boss, Shirley, likes to joke around and tease you. It makes the work place a lot friendlier. I do have to work with two drama queens though. Neither one likes the other one. They spend a lot of their time trying to outdo each other in the whole “oh woe is me” category. I then spend much of my time working with them rolling my eyes. They both sound so pitiful, but you can’t help but laugh at them. The customers are a trip. They are regulars and are in here every day. One of the things that I don’t like it is because I have to work ten hour shifts. There is also the fact that I am the new kid on the block. Every one else has been here for years and I just don’t feel like I fit in yet. I am sure that will come as I work more another thing is that I have to take the trash out at night. Now, I am not a girly-girl, and I don’t mind taking the trash out. There is an abandoned car wash behind the store, which is creepy by itself, but the dumps are back behind that. There are no lights, and I have to take the trash out around 11pm. It is kind of scary. Then there are some very stupid customers. One of the gas pumps was out of order. We put up a sign that says “Out Of Order.” This guy tries to get gas from it using his credit card. He later comes in and says-I’m not kidding- “The sign on the pump says that it is out of order, but I tried my card, and it still won’t work.” I stared at him for a few minutes. I just wanted to say “duh!” but I had to be nice. I told him that was because it was out of order, and he said “oh ok” and went about his business. Well that is about all. I really need to try to be better about updating this thing. Ready to cut loose?

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